Hermione Granger and the Unfortunate Body Predicament
by T.J. and the Backbeats
Summary: Hermione, Harry and Ginny decide to go back to Hogwarts to get their NEWTS after the war. It seems like they'll finally have the perfect school year. But what happens if Hermione starts to figure out some things about herself? WARNING: This story contains transgender character and probably slash later on! Don't like, don't read!
1. Chapter 1 - The Letter

_Disclaimer: The Potterverse does not belong to me!_

 _ **AN:** Hey guys! Starting my first story here and I thought I'd try to do something a little new and __different. I have this listed as a Hermione/Ron pairing, but honestly, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this yet._

 _I've been doing a lot of research for this story to get this as real as possible._

 _Hope you enjoy this and please comment!_

 _Luv,_

 _T.J._

 **Chapter 1 - The Letter**

Dear Harry,

how are you doing? I'm glad you decided to come back to Hogwarts to finish your NEWTS as well. It's the responsible thing to do. This school year will be so great! We will finally be able to focus on studying without having to deal with... Well you know what I mean...

I can't believe it'll be just the two of us and Ginny though. Hogwarts won't be the same without Ron there constantly trying to copy my essays. It's sad but I just can't bring myself to be mad at him. Maybe it will be good for him to spend some time with Charlie in Romania after everything that's happened. Who knows? Maybe he'll change his mind and finish his studies afterwards. One can always hope, right?

Harry, I... I have something important to tell you and it's just easier for me to do this on paper. Don't worry it's nothing bad. At least I hope you won't think it's bad. You're the first person to know. I couldn't think of anyone I trust more and I just hope this won't change your opinion of me.

I've always felt different than other girls you know? And if I'm honest I guess I already figured out a while ago why, but with the war and everything going on it just wasn't the right time to talk or do something about it. Gosh this is hard... I don't even know how to phrase it.

You know how I never had any female friends in Hogwarts, right? And I guess it's because I never really had any interest in typical girls' stuff either. And I always felt more comfortable with you guys as my friends, than say Lavender or Parvati. And I've never really dated in school like everyone else...

God, all this sounds so mundane when I write it down, but I've written this letter and tossed it in the garbage too many times already so I guess I should just say it.

I think I feel like a guy. I mean, I think I am a guy. Of course not biologically, that much is obvious. I mean my mind, my character... I'm a guy from the inside, you know?

Of course I've been doing some research about this over the last couple of summers. Muggles call it GID or Gender Identity Disorder. I don't know if you're familiar with the term. It means, that a person experiences significant discontent with the gender they were assigned to at birth.

I haven't been able to find much information about it in the wizarding world though...

I know that it doesn't seem very logical, but it's very real for me and even though I have never mentioned it before it does bother me... Now more than ever. I guess that's because I don't have to constantly fear for everyone's safety anymore and I'm forced to focus on my own problems a little bit more now.

I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do about it. Muggles have treatments for it, but I haven't even told my parents. I wanted to confide in someone first, get your opinion.

Well I'm going to let you think about this now...

Hope to hear from you soon.

Hermione

With that Hermione laid the quill down. Wow, that had been hard. But it sounded like the right mixture of sincereness, practical information and a touch of "please don't hate me". At least it was better than the last 12 attempts now rolled up into neat little balls in her bin.

Alastor, Harrys' new owl, was probably sick of waiting for her answer already and he didn't seem like the type of owl you wanted to keep waiting for too long. She missed Hedwig... Maybe it was time for her to get her own owl. She'd have a look next time she went to Diagon Alley.

Hermione gave Alastor the letter who looked at her indignantly through those big, bright amber eyes and took off into the night sky with a loud hoot.

Unceremoniously Hermione threw herself on her bed and thought about the letter that was being carried to Harry at the moment.

It had felt weird to finally admit to someone, how unhappy she was with herself and her body, only to sign the letter with that hideous name... But did she even want a new name? To be called by male pronouns? Did she even really want to be a man to the outside world? To transition, as Muggles would call it?

In the Muggle world it was a long process... All the legal procedures to change her ID and then all the medical treatments. It could take years...

And what about the Wizarding world? Was there even such thing as "transitioning"? Wizards didn't have ID's, so how would she change her name? And was there a spell or a potion that could change her body instantly? Hermione began daydreaming about it being so easy. Just one little potion and she would finally feel normal for the first time in her life. How would she wear her hair? Really short, or more like a beach boy typ of shaggy look?

First she was going to wait for Harry's reaction, she decided. After all she didn't want to do anything too rash. She would slowly gather all the information necessary and then make an educated decision based on the facts. No need to rush... She had all the time in the world now to figure things out, she thought as she slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep...

Hermione woke up to the sound of Alastor cautiously tapping against her bedroom window. At first she was a little confused, but when the memory of her letter hit her she jumped up and raced to the window to let the owl in. She all but ripped the letter out of it's beak only to have the proud owl give an angry screech and fly right back to where it came from.

"Looks like I'll have to get that owl after all..." she mumbled as she ripped the envelope apart.

Dear Hermione,

I read your letter and wow, that is quite a surprise. To be honest I don't even know what to say. Well except for the fact that I am your friend and I love you unconditionally. Nothing will ever change that. Is it weird if I say something like that now?... I never tell Ron that I love him. I do, but you don't usually tell other blokes you love them, you know?

I'm sorry if I'm a bit weird right now. I don't really know how to behave. I mean I don't want to seem nosy or anything. I just want to understand what you're going through. I trust you too, so I think I should just ask you whatever is on my mind and you tell me when you're uncomfortable answering stuff, deal?

First of all: Since when has this been going on? You said you've been doing research over the last couple of summers... I can't believe you never said anything. To be honest I feel a little bit hurt... I know we were busy and there was all kinds of stuff going on, but you're important to me. I wish you'd said something. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. I'm just a little hurt that something this big has been going on and I never knew. I feel like your lives always came second to my problems and I'm sorry for that.

Second: I'm sorry and I really don't mean to be rude here or anything, but... I don't quite get it. How can you feel like a guy when you're a girl? I've never felt like a girl so... what makes you think you're a guy?

Also... What does this mean now? Are you gonna be a bloke now? Like, you know... Get guys school uniforms and sleep in our dorm? Are you going to change your name? And what about, you know... Your body and stuff? Are you going to change that?

And on a more personal note (and feel free to tell me I should mind my own business) does that also mean you're into girls? I don't want to worry you, but Ron is going to freak... He's head over heals in love with you, always has been.

You know, maybe we should hang out and talk about this in person. I know you said it's easier to do this on paper, but since you know I'm ok with this (I am ok with this, in case I haven't made myself clear enough...)

I'm just writing this right now and I can't wait for your answer already. You've got me all tied up in knots here so... Let me know if you want to come over. I'll be home all week.

Get back to me, ok?

Harry

Hermione let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't the cheesy "Sure, no problem" answer she had expected. This was better. This was Harry being supportive, but also a little confused. It was Harry asking questions and actually wanting to know more instead of ignoring her confession. It was more than she'd hoped for. It meant that he cared and that he was interested and that maybe he could help her figure this whole thing out.

And maybe he was right. Maybe they should just talk. She'd have to face him sooner or later anyway and it would be faster than sending these bloody owls back and forth between London and Godric's Hollow especially now that Alastor probably wouldn't return for her answer anytime soon.

"Hermione! Are you up? Breakfast is ready!", her dad called from downstairs.

A little more lighthearted than she'd felt in a while Hermione decided to go have breakfast with her parents and then pay the boy-who-lived-too-many-times-to-count-them a surprise visit.


	2. Chapter 2 - Cookies and a satellite dish

_Disclaimer: Don't own the Potterverse!_

 **Chapter 2 - Cookies and a satellite dish**

With a loud plop Hermione appeared in the main street of Godric's Hollow and immediately felt a chill running down her spine. This place still gave her the creeps. She didn't know why Harry of all people decided to live here.

She hadn't seen him since his house warming party last month. It had been a small gathering. A dinner party more than anything else really. The Weasleys and herself had been there. Harry had cooked, there had been wine, friendly chitchat, laughter and of course awkward silent moments when they had remembered all the people Harry hadn't been able to invite to his very first housewarming.

The first couple of days after the battle they had stayed at Hogwarts. They had set up a little Camp in the Gryffindor Common room and just stayed there. They hadn't done much of anything. They didn't talk, they didn't go out... They had mostly just sat there. No one had bothered them except for the occasional house elf that made sure they kept eating and an owl from Ron siblings asking when he was coming home. None of them wanted to... It had just felt so right to suffer together through the aftermath apart from everyone else, just like it had always been.

She had been the first to pull herself together. After she decided it was time to finally find her parents she'd told her two best friends that it was time for her and that they should try to go home as well, that they all needed to slowly start living again.

When she stepped outside the castle for the first time in what felt like months the world just looked different. Like she had been put on a different planet like a doll. In retrospect they had only locked themselves up for shiva for little more than a week, but isolation tends to play tricks on your mind.

She had gone off to Australia found her parents and restored their memory. When the Grangers had made it back to their home in London Hermione found Pigwidgeon already sitting at the entrance.

"You were right... Harry and I are at my parent's place if you need us.

Take care

Ron"

It had been just a line scribble on a piece of parchment, but it meant they were trying to move on, just like she was and that had been a major relieve.

Over the next weeks the letters both by Ron and Harry had gotten longer. They occasionally saw each other but mostly Hermione had tried to mend the relationship with her parents.

When Harry had written that he wanted to look for a place of his own she had been a little concerned, worrying he might be trying to draw away from people, but when he had told her about his plan to use some of his parent's money to buy a bit of land in Godric's Hollow and build a house all by himself, he had seemed so happy that she was sure it was the right thing for him.

Together with some help from Ron and George the little home had been done within a month and Harry had moved in.

Before Hermione knew it she was standing in front of the little house. It was really beautiful and looked so unlike any other place in town. The small wooden farmhouse with it's bright yellow paint job stood in the middle of a meadow on the outskirts of the town. A little path led to the front porch. She noticed the Satellite Dish on the ceiling and smirked. Apparently he'd managed to convince the ministry to grant him electricity. It was something he'd insisted on when he looked at the property.

Hermione was glad he was finally using some of his money. Maybe he was finally done punishing himself. This was so much nicer than that awful place Sirius left him.

Her heart started banging loudly when she reached the door.

"Come on... It's just Harry...", she encouraged herself.

She swallowed hard and then knocked exactly 4 times, so that Harry would know it was someone he knew. He was weird that way, almost like Moody.

When the raven haired boy, or rather man opened the door a big grin spread across his face.

"Hey! I wasn't expecting you! Nice of you to stop by!"

Hermione stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hey Harry... Sorry to barge in. I hope I'm not interrupting. I just thought... Well, I thought you were right and we should just talk."

"It's no problem, really! It's great to have people over. The place just feels a little too empty at times, you know? Come on in! I just made some cookies!", Harry said with a crooked smile.

"Ooohh... I didn't know you could bake!", Hermione said as she entered her friends house. It was a little weird to think of this place as Harrys' house, his home. She'd known him since they were eleven, but he'd never really had a home before. For the most part he'd hung around at the Weasley's on holidays and sometimes over the summer, but he'd only been a guest there. This was his living room, his photos hanging on the wall, his framed OWL certificate... It was a place for himself, with his unique character all over it. From the little snitches on the walls to the Gryffindor crest on the fireplace.

"Be right back", Harry said as she said on the sofa, then disappeared into the kitchen.

When he came back he sat a platter of chocolate chip cookies and a butter beer in front of her.

"It's kind of funny to take butter beer out of a fridge, you know? I mean I'm familiar with both worlds, but I've never mixed them before, you know? Does that ever happen to you?" Harry asked as he plopped down on the armchair next to her.

"All the time, with my parents and all…" she answered with a smirk.

"So...?" , Harry started. "You wanted to talk about this stuff that you wrote about in your letter, right?"

"Yeah, I just... I wasn't kidding when I said it was easier to write it down. I've never actually talked about it... ever..."

Hermione was evading his gaze now, looking embarrassed.

"Would it help if I just asked you stuff and you answered?"

Hermione nodded.

"Ok then... So what is the first memory you remember that has something to do with being trans?"

Hermione looked surprised and Harry just shrugged.

"I looked some stuff up on the internet."

"Well I remember being in primary school. I would always wear boys' clothes; you know? Hang out with the other boys... Other kids would sometimes ask me if I wanted to be a boy and I would always say yes, you know? Without a thought. It was just so clear to me as a kid. I can't believe you researched this!"

"Well I've never heard about transgender people before. My aunt's family obviously wasn't very interested in LGBT stuff and like you said, it doesn't seem very common in the wizarding world. I meant what I said Hermione... I just want to be here for you and it seems like this is a genuine issue for you."

"Thanks Harry. It really means a lot to me, you know? To be able to talk to you about this."

"So... Have you decided yet?"

"Decided?"

"Well apparently there's people that change their gender and people that don't and just live with the situation the way it is."

Hermione was silent for a moment, as if thinking about what Harry said.

"I... I don't know... It just seems so surreal. I've been Hermione for all my life. What if I'm just making it up? What if I think I'm a guy, but when I change I will regret it? Besides... I don't know if I can demand people to accept me as a guy. It feels like it's too much to ask."

"Well I don't think you have to worry about that" Harry answered with a laugh. You saved the bloody wizarding world and everyone knows it. "People would accept you as the bloody queen if you asked for it."

Hermione glared at him. "That's not even remotely funny, Harry"

"Yes it is! You know what? Maybe you should just not take it that seriously,"

For a moment you could see a flash of hurt across Hermione's face.

"That's not what I meant", Harry continued. "Look: Maybe it just seems like a bigger deal than it is. Don't see it as a problem, but as an opportunity. Your parents are both smart and educated people. I'm sure they won't take the news too hard. As for school... I really don't think it'll be a big deal. The headmistress couldn't care less about your sexual identity after everything we've been through and as for everyone else... Yeah, they might say stuff and give you a hard time, so what? It's not like you've never dealt with that at Hogwarts before. What I'm trying to say is: Don't make your decision based on what other people might think. Base it on what you want."

"I want... I just… I wanna be a normal guy Harry..." Hermione sighed and rested her head in her hands. "But... you know, what I really want is to always have been a guy. I wish I could hex everyone and no one would remember the old me. Am I making any sense here?..."

Hermione sighed and stared at the big flat screen TV hanging from the wall.

"Why don't we take you to St. Mungos and see what the healers say? No matter how uncommon, you can't be the only magical person who's ever gone through something like this and I'm sure you'll feel a heck of a lot better having more information."

"Really? You'd go with me?", Hermione asked incredulously.

"Of course! Come on, let's go!" Harry said as he got up.

"What, right now?", she asked looking sort of queasy.

"Yep, right now. Come on. It won't be a big deal. Besides everything you tell the healer is confidential, so no harm, right?"

Hermione thought about it for a second, trying to find an excuse not to go but then agreed, knowing he was right. It would make her feel better to know what she was dealing with.

Harry turned off the lights, double checked all windows and doors and set up a few protective charms, then they stepped out of his home and disapparated.


	3. Chapter 3 - The gender scanner

_Disclaimer: Potterverse aint mine!_

 **Chapter 3 - The gender scanner**

There she was. Sitting in a waiting room at St. Mungo's. More nervous than she could ever recall being. Ok, maybe she was exaggerating a little, but still... Her heart was racing. And for Merlin's sake why would they turn on the heating in here?! It was hot enough as it was!

"Calm down! It's going to be fine!", Harry said with an encouraging smile.

All she could do was give him a pained expression in return.

Why on earth did she even listen to him? She wasn't ready for this. She hadn't thought this through yet. She didn't have enough information. How was she even going to explain this to the healer? She hadn't even talked to her parents about this yet. They 'd never talk to her again if she just decided something like this on her own again without consulting them first. Besides... they had a right to know. And what about her other friends? What about Ron? What if this would make her life even harder than it already was? What if...

"Hermione Granger"

She looked at Harry in panic.

"I can't... I"

"Come on man! I thought you were a Gryffindor!" Harry said with a grin and slightly punched her shoulder, something he hadn't done ever.

Suddenly Hermione smiled. Feeling a calmness and confidence she hadn't felt before.

"Thanks" she whispered as she left Harry sitting on the bench and followed the healer to his office.

She'd never been to St. Mungo's for a consult before. Sure she'd visited people here, but the only magical treatment she'd ever received was at the hospital wing at Hogwarts. She didn't really know what to expect.

The healer motioned her to sit on a chair across from his desk. His office looked fairly similar to that of the muggle doctor she used to go to when she was little. There were huge shelves filled with tons of old books, a large wooden desk and an old exam table behind her against the wall. There were also all kinds of gadgets she didn't recognize.

"I'm Healer Austin Rhys. How can I help you today Miss Granger?"

Here came the question she wasn't sure she wanted to answer.

"I... Uh..."

"Well?"

"I... I'm sorry... This is just kind of embarrassing..."

"Are you pregnant? Or do you think you might have a sexual disease?"

Hermione's eyes went wide and she turned beet red.

"No! No, merlin, no, that's not it!"

"Miss Granger... Would you like me to get a female healer for you? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

"No, you're perfectly fine Healer Rhys... I just... I don't really know how to explain this to you."

Hermione hung her head in frustration.

"Take all the time you need, I'm here to help you." He said in a calm soothing voice.

Hermione looked up to him. He seemed younger than other healers she'd met before. Maybe in his mid thirties. A warm smile made the skin around his blue eyes wrinkle.

Ok, here goes nothing Hermione thought.

"I'm not comfortable with my body. I feel like I'm supposed to be male instead of female and it's been bothering me for about as long as I can remember. I don't know if there is a term for this sort of issue in the wizarding world, but muggles call it Gender Identity Disorder and I thought... I don't know. I just thought there might be something you can do about my situation."

When she didn't get an answer to her confession Hermione looked up from her lap to see a shocked expression on the healers face and instantly regretted her words. Fear bubbled up inside her, but there was anger as well. Anger at Harry for dragging her here, anger at herself for telling Harry, but most of all she was angry for admitting this to herself.

She got up and started moving towards the door, tears of shame in her eyes when Healer Rhys grabbed her around her wrist.

"Miss Granger, wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry I bothered you with this, please forget what I said." Hermione said in a choked voice and tried to pull away, but the healer didn't let go.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked so stunned. I'm still pretty new at this. Please forgive me. Come, sit down. Let's talk about this."

The pleading look on his face cooled some of her anger and reluctantly she went back to her chair.

"The reason I'm so surprised is that the magical community has had a very simple way to prevent this type of thing for several centuries. Newborns usually undergo a series of routine tests including a gender scan. It's a simple spell healers use to determine whether the the babies gender matches its biological sex. If it doesn't it's relatively easy to cast a sex change spell because the baby is still so undeveloped. It happens in maybe 2% of child births here a St. Mungo's, but since it's basically an instant fix no one really mentions it. It isn't an issue adult wizards usually have to deal with unless they're muggle born, so it's very rare. Unfortunately, as an adult the treatment isn't quite as fast or easy, but I'm no expert in this field. I'll have to refer you to Healer Owain. He's the one that's responsible for sex change spells here at St. Mungo's, but first I'd like to send you to the neonatal ward for that scan spell. Just to confirm your suspicion, ok?"

Hermione was stunned. She didn't know what she had expected but it surely hadn't been this. By the time she'd leave St. Mungo's today she'd know. She'd know for sure if this was her brains twisted way to make her miserable when things should finally be easy, or if she was really never meant to be a girl. All of these feelings would finally be validated and no one would be able to say she was making things up. It was more than she could have hoped for.

Healer Rhys gave her a slip of paper with some directions and send a memo to the neonatal ward letting them know she was on her way. Then she stepped out of his office feeling more than just a little befuddled.


	4. Chapter 4 - Thelonious and Richy

_Disclaimer: Potterverse is still not mine._

 **Chapter 4 – Thelonious and Richy**

The rest of her morning had gone by in a blur. She'd been scanned by a very nice but overly chatty older Healer who'd insisted on being called Maggie. Then she'd been shooed back to Healer Rhys' office to be told that indeed she should have been a Harold or whatever her parents would have called her, who then send her to Healer Owain to discuss her options.

When they finally left the hospital she was exhausted physically and mentally and eternally grateful that Harry hadn't left her side all day. He had patiently waited on his bench, then followed her around only to wait some more and she hadn't even told him what was going on. She just felt so overwhelmed by all the information that she hadn't said a single word to him.

"So? Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked a bit worried as they walked away from Purge and Dowse, Ltd.

"Hermione?"

"I'm sorry, I... Can we go somewhere? Have lunch, or coffee? Maybe Diagonally? I'll tell you everything there, I promise!", she pleaded.

"Alright... Let's go to the leaky cauldron then. On three?"

Harry still looked at her suspiciously when they apparated behind the Leaky Cauldron. They entered through the back door and greeted Tom, then they sat in Harrys usual corner.

"So? Spill!"

"I don't even know where to start... First the healer kinda freaked and I got scared and wanted to leave, but then he explained, that this type of thing usually doesn't happen in the wizarding world because they test newborns for this as standard procedure. Anyway... So they did the test on me and turns out I was right! I am a guy, Harry!"

"Wow... So it's official... Both my best mates are guys. Ron's gonna go berserk."

Hermione looked like she was going to be violently ill and Harry looked at her apologetically.

"Sorry... Go on."

"Right... Where was I?... So then I got sent to this other healer. He's the one who does the sex reasignment spells on newborns and he told me that it was a little more complicated than a simple spell with adults. You sure you want all the gory details?"

Harry just gave her a look.

"Right... So IF I decided to do this, I'd have to take potions. They probably work like a testosterone replacement therapy. The potions would slowly change my voice, give me a little growth spurt and facial hair. That would probably take around 3 Months."

Harry kind of smirked.

"And the other stuff? Neville might look at you weird if you come into the boy's showers with a beard and lady parts"

Hermione blushed.

"Yeah... That stuff... Well apparently it will take some major spell work. They'll need several healers so it'll take a couple of months to get an appointment. He said it could take several hours and I would have to stay at St. Mungo's for at least a week for recovery."

"So you'll actually have a real working dick?", he asked stunned.

"Yeah, I guess..."

"What is it 'Moine? You look upset somehow. I thought this is great news."

Hermione sighed.

"It is... I just... I have no idea how to explain this to everyone. To Ron... You said it yourself. He won't take it well and things were finally going well between us... I don't want to loose that."

"So you DO like him that way? Because if you're a guy and he's a guy and you like him that way... Wouldn't that make you, you know..."

"Gay? God, Harry I don't know... I mean I do find girls attractive and stuff, but what I feel for Ron... It's just different, you know? He means the world to me and I know that I have to figure this out now because when I tell him about me being a guy he'll have questions and I owe him the answers."

"Look... You literally just found out yourself that you have the chance to be a normal guy. Cut yourself some slack. You need time to think about your feelings and talk to your parents, maybe read a book. Doesn't that always help you?"

"I suppose you're right... It's not like there's someone standing behind me with a gun. I have all the time in the world to figure this out now." She said, a smile slowly creeping over her face now.

"Besides..." Harry said with a smirk. "We have more important stuff to figure out right now! I mean now that I know, I can't keep walking around calling my mate 'Hermione'! It feels wrong! And you should probably start to get used to male pronouns as well."

Hermione laughed.

"What's so funny?", Harry asked with a confused smile.

"Nothing really… I don't know. I just feel silly right now. It's so surreal. Thinking about choosing your own name. I used to always sit in front of the TV thinking 'I wish MY name was whatever the character was called!' "

"Well I don't think that's specifically a trans thing.", Harry laughed right back. "For some reason I went through this phase where I really wanted to be called Richy…", he said shaking his head.

"I don't know. Shouldn't I ask my parents when I tell them? Who knows? Maybe they had a boy's name picked out, just in case. And if I absolutely hate it I can still think of something myself…"

"Tell you what: Why don't we make a list of names you like and I approve of; and yes you need my approval because there's no way I'll walk around calling you Thelonious or something like that for the rest of my life; and that way you can make some suggestions to them as well."

"That sounds like a solid plan!"

With that a waitress came by and took their late lunch order.

Over Shepherd's Pie and Fish and Chips they discussed and discarded several names. In the end one being more hideous than the next.

It was the nicest and most care free evening they had spend together since… Well they couldn't quite remember and it seemed that worrying about whether Hermione was going to be called Nate, Carl or possibly Rufus was a most welcome distraction.

When it was time to say their goodbyes in that little dirty backyard behind the Pub Harry went to hug Hermione as he always did. Hermione hesitated.

"Is this gonna be weird from now on? I mean Ron's your best mate but you guys hardly ever touch or anything…"

"No, I don't think anything's gonna change between us in that regard. I don't know, it's not really cuz' Ron's a bloke and all. It's just the way our friendship is. Neither of us really feels the need for contact. I feel different with you. Hugging you and stuff… It's comforting. I don't think that's gonna change just cuz' you'll get a new set o' private parts."

"Good, because I'd hate for us to change. You're my best friend in the world and I'd be devastated if you were uncomfortable around me."

"Don't worry so much about things. You'll see… Everything's gonna be just fine."

Harry then smiled turned around and disappeared with a loud plop.

Hermione just stood there for a while and looked at the familiar brick wall. It felt like she just started a new chapter in her life. One that was a little bit scary, but more "adventure scary", not "death and destruction scary".

She decided she could deal with this new kind of scary. And then too disapparated into the night with a smile on her face.


	5. Chapter 5 - The lawn mower incident

Disclaimer: I don't own the Potterverse.

Chapter 5

„You can do this... Come on! Don't be such a wuss!" Hermione whispered to herself as she paced up and down on her own front porch. She'd been doing so for the last 30 minutes and for the life of her, she couldn't get herself to just go in. Her heart was beating like a jungle drum and she felt like she'd had a couple of red bulls.

"Ok… Ok… It's not a big deal at all. Who knows? Maybe they won't even notice…"

Just then someone opened the front door of her house from the inside.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Hermione? What happened?! What did they do to you?!"

'Right… Not in this lifetime…´, she thought to herself.

"Mum, please… Will you stop yelling?"

"Stop yelling? Have you looked at yourself?! You said you'd go get your hair cut, not get run over by a lawn mower!"

"Mum…"

"Don't worry sweetheart… We'll go right back there and I'll tell that incompetent hair stylist a thing or two."

"Mum…"

"Oh, they'll deeply regret the day they signed up for hair dressing school, I…"

"Mum!" Hermione finally yelled in attempt to snap her mother out of her frenzy. Mrs. Granger just looked at her with a startled expression.

"Can we maybe talk about this inside?...", she almost whispered with a pleading look now.

Sensing there was more to this then some freak hair accident Mrs. Granger suddenly calmed down and hugged Hermione.

"Of course…" she said with a soft voice. "Let's go in." Then, with an arm around her she guided her daughter into the house and left her in the living room.

"I'll just make us some tea, ok?"

Hermione just nodded and threw herself on the couch. `Now that went well…´, she thought to herself.

"Now, would you care to explain why your hairdresser thought making you look like a man is a suitable style for such a pretty young lady?", Mrs. Granger shouted from behind the kitchen counter.

"Maybe 'cuz that's what I am?..." Hermione mumbled and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What's that dear?", she heard her mother.

"Nothing! You know what? I'm not really in the mood for tea. I don't really feel well. I think I'm gonna go lie down for a little while, ok?" And with that she stormed up the stairs, right into her room, slammed the door and cast a silencing spell on it.

Her mother would probably be up any second now to bang at her door and demand an explanation. An explanation she apparently STILL wasn't ready to give.

She grabbed her phone, tossed herself on the bed and hit speed dial.

"Hello?", she heard the familiar voice.

"It's me… Seriously, why didn't you just get a phone with caller ID like any other normal person?!", she asked rolling her eyes which Harry of course couldn't see.

"You know I like me some vintage", Harry laughed. "So… How'd it go?"

"What do you think?! Awful!"

"You don't like the hair?", asked Harry with a confused voice.

"Not the hair! My mother's reaction to it and my clumsy attempt to explain it to her. Well, to be honest, I didn't even really try… I froze again and now I'm hiding in my room…."

"Seriously?... Come on… You said you'd talk to them two weeks ago!"

"I know!... I can't help it. As hard as it was to come out to you, this is a million times harder."

"Don't you think you might be making this unnecessarily hard? You're going to have to talk to them eventually unless you plan on starting the potions when we get to Hogwarts and give 'em a nice surprise for Christmas. What is it that your mum said about your hair that ticked you off so much anyway?"

"Nothing really… Just something about it not being suitable for a pretty lady… Almost made me vomit. I guess I'm just a little over sensitive.", Hermione replied grumpily.

"More like a little overly tense. You'd feel better if you'd finally get this over with."

Harry was right and she knew it. And as a Gryffindor she knew what she had to do.

"Ok mate I'll talk to them tonight. Besides… It' not like I can't just show up for dinner now like nothing happened… Wish me luck?"

"Godric Gryffindor would be proud of you. Now go get them! Oh and Herm? Next time you call me when Buffy is on the telly I'll hex the crap out of you!"

With a click Harry was gone and she was left alone with her thoughts once again. She couldn't hide in here for ever. She knew that, but her relationship with her parents had been strained when she dumped them in Australia and she just wasn't sure how much more they'd be willing to accept. She couldn't bear the thought of loosing them now that everything was supposed to get back to normal.

Hermione got up, grabbed her wand off her night stand and lifted the silencing charm. Immediately the loud voices paired with the sound off fists banging against wood filled her room.

"Hermione, we know you're in there. Open the bloody door.", her fathers voice carried through the wood.

"Sweaty, please open the door. We just want to talk to you!", that was her mothers voice.

Hermione took several deep breaths and walked towards the door of her room.

"Well, here goes nothing…" she mumbled to herself as she unlocked and opened the door.

Immediately her mum flung herself at Hermione's neck and wrapped her in a bear hug.

"Hermione baby, are you ok? What on earth is going on?! You're starting to scare us! Something bad is going on again and you're not telling us, right? That evil person you were protecting us from… Is he back again?", her mother asked apparently close to a panic attack.

"Mum, it's ok. Everything's fine. No evil guy is coming after us, I promise."

"You are NOT fooling us again, young lady! We have a right to…"

"Will you stop calling me that dammit?!", Hermione interrupted her dad as she freed herself from her mother's hug and started crying.

"Hermione… What is it? If it's not the war, then what's going on? You've been so withdrawn from us the last couple of weeks. I thought we wanted to try to be a family again. Did we do anything to upset you? Are you depressed? Are your nightmares getting worse? We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on. " Mrs. Granger pleaded.

"It's not the war… I just… There's something I need to tell you and it's hard for me. I've been meaning to tell you guys for weeks but I always chickened out. Merlin, why does it have to be this hard?", Hermione said while walking back into her room and sitting down on the edge of her bed.

Her parents slowly followed throwing each other worried glances. Hermione buried her face in her hands.

"Hermione, you know you can tell us anything.", her father said in a soothing voice now.

"Hold that thought… Just, please know that I'm not trying to hurt you guys, or make you uncomfortable, or get your attention ok? I didn't ask for any of this to happen."

"Just say it baby… It can't be that bad.", her mother encouraged her.

"I'm trans.", Hermione said, then held her breath waiting for a response. When none came she looked up at her parents who just stared back in confusion.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

Her parents looked at each other then back at Hermione.

"Yes, but… What does that mean? Is that something magical?"

Hermione just groaned.

"I should've just written you a letter… This is torture!", Hermione said while throwing herself back on the bed.

"I'm a guy! Or at least I'm supposed to be a guy and somehow the universe managed to fuck it up and now I'm stuck in this hideous female body. I'm transgender!", she yelled in exasperation.

Still no response. Then she felt her bed dip on either side of the bed and a hand on one of her knees.

"Hermione… I don't understand… I mean… Where's this suddenly coming from? You never mentioned being unhappy about your body before. Are you sure? Maybe you're just a little confused. That's perfectly normal. You've been through so much… Maybe…"

"I'm not confused mum… Actually I'm confused as hell! Being trans is confusing. What I mean is I'm sure. I've always sort of known, but I'm 100% positive now because I went to St. Mungo's a couple of weeks ago to get some advice on this and it turns out they have this sort of test to figure out if your "internal gender" matches your body. The test is 100% accurate."

"And that test said you're really a boy? Is that why you cut your hair, just because a stupid test said so?", the confusion was evident in every word Mrs. Granger said.

"You don't get it." Hermione said as she sat back up. "I've always felt like a boy. Ever since I was a little kid I never understood why I couldn't be like all the other boys. Maybe that's why I never really made any friends in school. Then I got older and somewhere along the line I just realized that I was never going to be like the other boys and I tried not to think about it anymore. And Then when I went to Hogwarts and met Harry and Ron it was easy for me to forget about it. They treated me like one of them. Then the war started and there were more important things to worry about than my sexual identity. But now that there's no more threat and I'm an adult all these feelings are coming back to choke me. I just want to feel normal, you know?"

The silence in the room was deafening. For a while Hermione just sat there, listening to the pounding of her own heart in her ears. She knew it. She knew everything was going to go to hell. After everything they'd been through her parents no longer loved or wanted her. Maybe she could stay at Harry's for a while before they went back to school.

Hermione got up from her bed, went over to her closet and with a whisk of her wand clothes started flying out and into her old school trunk.

"Hermione, what are you doing?", her mother asked with that same annoying tone of confusion that Hermione was starting to hate.

"I got the message mum, I'm leaving. Don't worry about the rest of my stuff. I'll come pick…"

"What are you talking about?!" Anger… Well at least it seemed her mother was no longer confused. "You're not going anywhere! You're our child and we love you. Nothing's ever going to change that, but you have to give us some time to wrap our heads around this! We're just hearing about this now, since you never bothered to say a damn thing to us! You let us believe this whole time that you were a perfectly happy little girl, so don't be so surprised that we hadn't considered the fact that our healthy little baby girl is in fact a very unhappy man that never trusted us with his feelings."

Hermione stared at her mother wide eyed.

"What?!", Mrs. Granger snapped irritated.

"You said: HIS feelings", Hermione kept staring at her mother.

"Your mother is right kiddo", the warm voice of her father brought her back. "I don't bloody care if you're my daughter or my son. All we ever wanted was for you to be happy and you can't blame us for being a little upset over finding out that you've been miserable this whole time and you didn't trust us enough to tell us about it. This is like finding out you erased our memory and left us behind in Australia to go fight in a war all over again.", he sighed. "We just feel left out."

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes again.

"I'm sorry", she choked. "I just love you so much… You're the best parents anyone's ever had and the thought of loosing you to the war or because I'm trans is more than I can stand. I never wanted to…"

Suddenly she was pulled into a hug by her father.

"Shh kiddo… It's ok. We just… We need a little time to think about this, that's all. And we're all too upset right now to have a rational conversation about this tonight. Why don't we just call it a day get some rest and talk about it in the morning, alright?  
Hermione nodded against her father's chest. When she let go of him she was met with two very tired smiles.

"We love you baby", Mrs. Granger said softly.

"I love you too, mum" Hermione smiled a sad smile at them as they walked out of her room and closed the door behind them.

Hermione barely managed to cast the silencing spell before the first sobs broke out. On one hand: her parents didn't hate her or kick her out. On the other hand:… They were hurt she hadn't trusted them with this secret and that in turn hurt her.

She felt absolutely drained when she crawled under her blankets. Her stomach was rumbling. They hadn't had dinner, but she was simply too exhausted to fix this particular problem right now. Food would have to wait until morning. Then suddenly she smiled.

`She said: his feelings´ was the last thought that went through her head before she fell asleep. 


End file.
